Friday, January 23, 2015

America is Weird

Number one question since I've returned: What is the best thing about being back in America?  I always answer food…  I don't even want to talk about food, but saying food just makes me smile and think of how delicious it is here.  In Africa I sometimes wouldn't eat just because food was difficult to come by.  You had to make it or find someone to make it for you and it would be the same food you've had every, single, damn day.  Why bother?

A close second is how easy everything is here.  If you want food, you go to your kitchen.  There is food there; I promise.  Even if you think there isn't, there is.  Maybe it's in a can or just some rice or pasta, but you have food.  If you managed to really fuck up your grocery shopping, you can go do that with ease.  Or stop at one of a billion types of restaurants.  OR, and I just discovered this, you can use an app on your phone to pay someone to shop for you!  They'll do your groceries or go pick up food at a restaurant.  They will bring you your beer and booze!  Two years from now the only time we will see rich people is when we are bringing them shit to their door.  Which will probably be answered by robots anyway.

Still, the most fun thing about being back?  Playing catch-up on culture.  SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.  I spend an exorbitant amount of time reading things like "top 100 _____ of 2014".  I write off the rabbit hole of YouTube as research.  Come, take a tour with me…

So I was watching Saturday Night Live and saw a sketch with Jim Carry doing some weird dance:  You may have heard of this Sia person and her Chandelier.  I hadn't and it needed explaining.  I go to watch her video and it is somehow even weirder than the parody:  Who is this woman?  Well further research brings me to the following (I don't care if you watch the two before, but this is special):

I watched this in awe.  At first it was just… why?  What does it mean?  Why have we created a music video with a grown man fighting a rabid eight year old?  AND HE CAN TOTALLY GET OUT OF THE CAGE!  Even more importantly… when did Shia LaBeouf get so buff and grow that awesome beard?

If you were to some reason follow that query, you might run into this even weirder song about Shia LaBeouf (stick around for the end):

And naturally I just watched all those videos again before posting this and ended up watching even more Shia LaBeouf videos.  Apparently for the movie Fury (which I need to see) actors ACTUALLY got to fight Brad Pitt every day before shooting.  That has been every growing boy's fantasy since Fight Club!  If that didn't make me want to be best friends with Shia LeBeouf, him telling a store about getting arrested certainly did:

But I'm losing the point of all this which is that I have no idea how I could explain basically ANY OF THIS to my friends in Africa.  America is just fucking weird.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Welcome to the Daleverse!

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me be the first to welcome you to the next step in internet pleasure...


I wanted to say hello world.  But you aren't the world.  No, you are a select few who have decided that you enjoy listening to me talk.  You have somehow found me, Dale, and fallen into my orbit. Congratulations on whatever good decisions in life brought you here.

Is it colder in America or what?
I enjoyed writing my blog so I'm just going to crack on.  In honor of my loosely titled, I have managed an even more all-encompassing title. Mostly so that I never have to change it again.

For the moment, I am loosely based in the state of North Carolina.  Bouncing between my father's house, my mother's, or my brother's.  So far in the past two months, I've visited Boston twice (for a pretty girl), West Virginia (for a pretty boy... and some snowboarding), and Washington D.C. (for a number of pretty people).  I find the weather terrifyingly cold, but the food titillatingly delicious.  These have most unfortunately combined into 17 pounds of extra me.  BUT FOOD IS SO GOOD.

What the future holds is uncertain.  I need a job and am quite loose on the where aspect of that search.  Honestly that makes the search harder.  But here is where you come in: you miss me, I know, but YOU have the power to decide where I live... just find me an awesome job there.

Well, the hell are you waiting for?  Start the search.

Oh, and because I FINALLY can, here is goodbye to the Peace Corps.