Thursday, July 25, 2013

Fatherhood

Turns out I'm not ready for it.  Who knew?

Ok, it really isn't that bad.  There are some surprising perks.  I'm getting really good at UNO for example.  I tell myself that it does a good job of teaching kids about numbers and colors and such.  The kids learn things about critical thinking and why it's not a good idea to hold three wilds to hope for a quick out.  150 points easy, little bitches.  And I make them add up my impossible scores to support their learning of arithmetic.  Actually, you know what?  Feel free to nominate me for father of the year.

We have exhausted my collection of American films in French.  Forrest Gump and The Pursuit of Happeyness held up well across cultures (though I had to explain all the cultural references in Gump).  Some of the other stuff like Gown Ups or Haunted by my Exes are just kind funny.  There are some random action flicks like Red or 300 that are good on rainy nights since you can't hear anything anyway.  I'm a bit afraid of the fact that I'm going to be re-watching these for the foreseeable future.  Perhaps it will help my French language skills.  They really lack when it comes to understanding the French of Frenchmen.  It is either that or introduce them to French cinema; I've a feeling that won't go over well…

The house is a bit livelier.  Their presence does embolden other children who normally are kept in fear of entering the white monster's sanctuary.  I found two of them in my living room today with no sight of Pitou and Naomi.  That's not a precedent I can allow.  I've suffered minor "lost" items, but nothing worrying and my kids are at least good at protecting everything.  This is mostly since it has all sort of become theirs too.  I wish they would fight less.  I'm a shitty arbitrator as I've no idea what they are complaining about.  Normal French is hard, but when they are both pouting and whining you can forget about it.  I've taken up a quick pop to the head as proper discipline.  That's what my mother did to me.  Mostly because I got in the habit of dropping to the floor as a defense any time she'd raise her hand.  I turned out alright, didn't I?  Anyway, turns out I'm for corporeal punishment, who could have guessed?